I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
