I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
