I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
