I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
