i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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