State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
