I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
