before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
