i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
