is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
