There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
