My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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