You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
