we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
