I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
