Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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