you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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