if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
