The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
