Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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