Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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