I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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