Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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