260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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