That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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