i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
