Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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