If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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