he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
