I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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