I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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