My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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