He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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