one word: firstdatebathroomanal
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
