I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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