it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
