we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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