I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
