margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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