Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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