THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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