I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
