I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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