I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Im part way to drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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