walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
