At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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