Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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