so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have fence marks all over my body
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
