What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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