What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love having hate sex.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
