You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
