If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
