I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
