dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
