I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
