At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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