you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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