i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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