We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
