I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
