3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
