i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
