Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
