Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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