Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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