please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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