I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
