Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
